An afternoon with Abbie . . . Priceless

Kids say the darndest things, and Abbie is no exception. Here are just a few of her recent quips:

One night before bed, she said to me, "What's that noise, Mama?" I said, "What noise, honey? I don't hear anything." She lets out a series of big, loud farts. Then she says, "That noise!" I just cracked up.

Yesterday at lunch, she was dancing around in the restaurant, with her hand stretched out behind her, trying to get her underwear out of her butt. Then, in the middle of the restaurant, she calls to me, "Can you help me with my wedgie, Mama?" Again, I totally cracked up, as did a woman sitting nearby. Fortunately, the restaurant was not too full, so I didn't have to be too embarrassed.

She is also big on tooting her own horn. A proclivity that I hope stays with her as she ages. Today at Home Depot she said to me, "See what a good job I'm doing following directions." In the past she has said things like, "See what a good listener I am, Mama." You'd think that we never praise her or something.

Last, but not least, the "why" questions. These have been incessant for months. They are many things - tiring, silly, etc. Often, they make me wish that I had paid more attention in high school:
Abbie - "Why is it dark?"
Mommy - "Because the sun went down."
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because the Earth has turned away from it."
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because the Earth turns on its axis."
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Umm, because . . .umm. That's just how it works, honey."
Abbie - "Why?"
On it goes. Meanwhile, I'm just thinking to myself, "Damn, why don't I know the answers to any of her questions."

Other times, they just make me embarrassed about the things that come out of my mouth. Tonight we were reading a story about a pirate that had black teeth. Naturally, she had to enquire about this:
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because pirates don't go to the dentist."
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because pirates don't have good dental plans, honey."
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because they don't have good jobs with good benefits."
Abbie - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because that's the definition of a pirate."
At this point, I am privately embarrassed at the absurdity of my answers and am secretly hoping that the "why" questions will subside. Thankfully, I think she starts to sense that I am out on a limb and she decides to have mercy and sit quietly for a moment while I regain my composure.